Face Vs Pavement: The Rematch

I feel that my last blog may have offended some people and I apologize for it. I didn't mean to insult your shitty taste in music.

Now that the touchy feely stuff is out of the way, I wanted to come up with another topic of discussion. That's why it's taken so long for me to post another one of these things.

Sadly, in the past two or three weeks, I haven't been able to think of a thing. Which brings me to my current topic of discussion: Stan = Failure.

It's absolutely true. Despite my courage, charm, and what I call "the ability of Fascination," I have yet to accomplish something meaningful in my life. I have not yet given birth, become president of the US, or starred in a major motion picture.

I know you're thinking, "Jesus, Stan, why don't you just cut off your wang and call it a day?" Well, I don't believe in self mutilation (I live in constant fear of physical pain), and I'm Catholic. That counts as birth control, I believe.

So, why do I hope that you're reading this? I'm not sure. I have yet to receive a penny from any of this, yet I return to write. Then again, I'm blogging on Myspace. That right there makes me an abject failure.

As of today, I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm going to drop the crack pipe and contribute to society. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to work on the homeless problem with a cattle prod and some M&Ms.

Next, I'll tackle the gang violence by joining all of them and declaring myself their leader. I will then start a harem with all their hood-rat hoochies.

These innovative ideas, plus the power of the Axe effect, will eventually lead me to the superiority over the human race I have been seeking for ages.